But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
