sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Randomize