haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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