I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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