I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
