just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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