Yo dont text me then not text me
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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