This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
