Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
