i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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