Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
