if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
