If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
