my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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