Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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