your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
