he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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