I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
