HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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