one might say we're banned from that church
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
