Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There's always time for handjobs
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
