they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
