he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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