Small penises have feelings too.
she smelled like a LAN party
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
