She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
