this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
