Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
