i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
