that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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