what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
