I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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