put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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