There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
