I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
