don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
