He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
