I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
