The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
