did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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