So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
