Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
