I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
