don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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