The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he thought i was a dude.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
