It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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