I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
