I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
