We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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