Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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