did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
